Long time I know but I have remained in the game. The last year has been eventful but no real long-term successes. Chef exists in his own world only to check in randomly. Long distance man, so very trying but not enough time, patience, or understanding on my part. Honestly do I want to be waiting several months to see him. Answer is abruptly NO. But still keeping in touch.
Then came RN jr. Nice man, great physical shape and most everything in life solid as the biceps. Dating time approximately 6 weeks. And just like a butterfly dead in that long. Not him but his desires to see me.
Unfortunately I am finding it difficult to let go. I seem to be attached to the idea that this is the best I may ever have. Know that I am certain better men exist and can be mine but at this moment getting a bit obsessed about why no calls, texts, and the like. I have sent 3 messages since our last date and NOTHING. Boo! Hiss! I decided to draw the line there. No more contact from me, maybe not even if he contacts me. Hear the maybe yes I am vacillating. I want and don’t want him all at the same time. So someone please give me the antidote.
I saw the silver string attached to my heart and his and snipped it with scissors a few times. Then I put the honoponoo on him too. I am sorry, Forgive me, Thank you, I love you. Three maybe six of these and still no distance from my thoughts.
These thoughts are keeping me awake and that is rare. I have not been living in the world where this occurs, much the opposite. I can sleep with any amount of stimulants in my system and most any concern in my mind. Darn u RN Jr. So I search for wisdom from bing.
What I found is he may be a narcissist, which was inevitably going to end like this. I am lucky not have the pleasure of caring his baby because he may have been my parting gift. Then finally Marianne Williamson gave me the clarity I searched for.
From a Return to Love, If someone does not behave like a great romantic parter, then perhaps they’re not meant to be that for us. Not every relationship is meant to be the ultimate romance: if the train doesn’t stop at your station, it’s not your train. The ego seeks to use a relationship to fill our needs as we define them: the Holy Spirit asks that the relationship be used by God to serve His purposes. And His purpose is always that we might learn how to love others more purely. We love purely when we release other people to be who they are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt. The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and release.
Thank you Marianne! I keep forgetting who I am and what I am doing on this planet. Surely the ego has run amuck again.
I need to read this beautiful book again. Hope this gives clarity to you as it did for me. All is in Divine Order.
